Friday, September 15, 2017

5 Insecurities I Have

I'm pretty sure that I don't give off the vibe that I have it all together and if you got that idea from reading my blog... ahem... I'm sorry, I did not mean to give off that impression. But, for the sake of digging into my life and laying it bare. I'm going to share 5 insecurities I have. Maybe you have some of them too.

  1. I'm really insecure about money right now. I used to have an apartment and had all my bills squared away. I even had some left over to buy stuff for me. That isn't the case anymore. Now I live with my Mother-In-Law who is 72 and not in good health. Daily we worry that she will pass away leaving three people to live on my income. And that's with extra bills that I never signed up for before, but my family would be sort of lost without. So, yeah, money has been tight as it is.
  2. I'm insecure about my Love. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all my heart and he says he loves me. And, I REALLY know he isn't going to up and leave me at a moments notice. But, I'll have to admit that my mind keeps popping in with thoughts that he could do waaaay better than me.
  3. I'm insecure about my mind sometimes. Not always, but I don't give myself credit for what I do know. I'm pretty sure that if I set my mind to doing things that I'm able to do the stuff. But, sometimes I just think there is nothing in my head. 
  4. I'm insecure about my body before you think "Well who isn't" let me say that I have my entire life being degraded for having an hourglass figure and called fat over and over until I just believed it. I have since looked back on pictures from my youth and it is laughable that someone would call their 16 year old 115 lbs. child FAT! But, over the years I let my body go and now I'm chronically ill so working out can be a challenge. So, of course, my head goes back to when I was young and I feel insecure about my body all over again.
  5. I'm insecure about my illnesses, which may sounds weird, but let me explain. See I have Sarcoidosis, Fibromyalgia, Gout, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Bipolar, PTSD, and I've had a heart attack. The thing is these are all invisible illnesses. So, people look at me and think I'm overweight and lazy. They don't see the pain going on inside my body.

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